didyousaymaraudersormurder:

dovewithscales:

hyratel:

dovewithscales:

messy-scandinoodle:

dovewithscales:

virtuous-thing:

baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa:

heartgemsona:

erotic-yoddeling:

bemusedlybespectacled:

nonlinear-nonsubjective:

sonneillonv:

castiel-for-king:

maliwanhellfires:

just-shower-thoughts:

Mammals both produce milk and have hair. Ergo, a coconut is a mammal.

I know you’re being facetious, but this is an actual issue with morphology-based phylogeny.

*leans over and whispers to person beside me* what are they talking about

*leans over and whispers back*  Human ability to quantify and categorize natural phenomena is sketchy at best and wildly misleading at worst

consider the coconut

this reminds me of that time Plato defined humans as “featherless bipeds” and Diogenes ran in with a plucked chicken screaming “BEHOLD A MAN!”

i love how you say “it reminds me of that time” like you were there.

listen if an immortal feels brave and supported enough to come out we should respect them

This post is a journey

1 Reblog = 1 Respect

I maintain that humans started attempting classify animals, and some god or another made the platypus, and is still laughing.

Zeus: *hits joint* okay so like. It’s gonna have a duck bill right. But an otter body okay? And then a beaver tail. It’s a mammal. But. It lays eggs!

Hades: wait wait dude. Give it. Give it poison. Make it poisonous

Athena: You mean venomous, and make sure the eggs have both reptile and bird traits.

Hermes: *takes the joint* Give it extra senses.

Poseidon: It should be aquatic.

I MEAN where’s the lie

Demeter: … And where exactly do you expect me to put this?

Everyone: Australia.

WAIT A PLATYPUS IS VENOMOUS

whyequalsemexplusbee:

My favorite moment with my D&D group so far

They met a Demon at a crossroads, he said they had to make a deal with him or he would steal their souls. The Fighter was like, “Hey can you just wait for 5 seconds for me?” 

Demon’s like: “Alright.” 

Five seconds later the Fighter says “Alright our deal is complete” 

???

“What do you mean our deal is complete?” said the Demon

“Well I asked you to wait 5 seconds, then you agreed. Since you waited 5 seconds, that means our deal is complete right?”

The Demon is in shock, and so am I, the DM. This fighter just out-tricked a freakin’ demon deal by telling the demon to cool his heels for a moment I couldn’t believe it.

tokingpeach:

Stranger Things s3 prediction:

The Monster™: *physically shows up*

Joyce Byers:

Originally posted by frentique

broken-musical-hearts:

harrypotterfandomunite:

xtaticpearl:

berkcastteam:

ohmytheon:

owleensnest:

cameoamalthea:

bellesbloggg:

alrightanakin:

thebookishgurl:

marauders4evr:

theiguanaamarillaart:

marauders4evr:

therewerenorelevanturlsavailable:

wickedbitchofthewestcoast:

mira-of-sassgard:

iamthepureblindraven:

malfoycat:

stephenhawqueen:

a harry potter au where potions is taught by gordon ramsay

neville: *messes up his potion*

gordon ramsay: *holds neville between two slices of bread* what are you

neville: an idiot sandwich

no no no!

Imagine that this is Gordon Ramsay a la Masterchef Junior

Neville: *messes up the potion, realizes it, starts crying quietly*

GR: What’s going on?

Neville: *explains how he messed up*

GR: Oh gosh okay…we can fix this, don’t cry, see, it’s fine now? Just be more careful when you’re adding the Newt’s eyes, all right? Drop them in gently. There we go. No more tears.

Neville: *giggles wetly, wiping eyes*

Yes, he only screams when he’s dealing with people that claim to know what they’re doing and clearly dont, when he’s teaching he’s very kind and patient because they’re still learning.

He’d probably do the bread thing to Malfoy.

nononononono. I get that Malfoy is a bit of a twat, but he’s still a kid. It’d be the teachers fucking up that he’d have trouble with.

Ramsay: All you had to do was treat it with a fucking Beozar! 

Slughorn: It was a stressfu-

Ramsay: How long have you been teaching potions?!

or

Ramsay: So you’re going to raise this boy SPECIFICALLY so he can die as part of your twisted little scheme? 

Dumbledore: It’s for the greater good, professor. 

Ramsay: The greater fucking good?! *holds two slices of bread either side of dumbledoor’s face* What are you? 

Dumbledore: Am I, per chance, an idiot sandwich? 

Ramsay: Yes, you fucking are. 

Okay, now I can reblog it!

@marauders4evr

Fantastic!

@alrightanakin

I’m in love

I MUST HAVE REBLOGGED A THOUSAND TIMESSSS

My favorite Gordon Ramsey moment is from the latest season of Master Chef Jr.

Gordon had run in to help a group of struggling kids with a team challenge and one of the older kids, a 12 year old boy, wasn’t passing attention while taking a pan out of the oven and not only spilled all the food but scalded Gordon.

It’s clear Gordon’s leg is in pain. He’s been badly burned without warning. But he doesn’t scream. He doesn’t yell, not even in pain, and he doesn’t go off on the child who is now frozen in fear. He calmly tells the child to set the pan down and to close the oven, safety first. Then tells him to go restart the food he was making, calm instructions.

My husband and I grew up in abusive homes where any mistake meant parents getting angry (my husband is terrified of spills or broken glasses because that meant beatings growing up, for me, anything going wrong, that could upset my mother, even if it wasn’t my fault meant screaming and emotional abuse).

I didn’t know someone could be so calm. That someone could not get angry, and put aside what they’re feeling (in this case a lot of physical pain) and not take it out on those around them, even when someone around them had messed up, because that person is a child.

Gordon Ramsey is a survivor of child abuse himself and as an adult, the most non-abusive person ever when it comes to kids.

im going to cry can gordon ramsey be my parent this sound so beautiful

Please take a moment to picture Gordon Ramsay taking over Potions when Snape becomes the DADA professor (instead of Slughorn) and not only being horrified when he realizes how terrified the students are that he’ll verbally abuse them when they mess up in Potions class but when he overhears how Snape treats students. Like can you IMAGINE the level of RAGE and CONTEMPT that Ramsay would harbor towards Snape? The asshat wouldn’t have made it to the end of HBP. Ramsay would’ve hexed his ass to kingdom come.

Rebloging ALL of this because Chef Ramsay is THE MAN!

-HC

Chef Ramsay would have become the kids’ favourite teacher and you can’t take that away from me.

Imagine him dealing with Umbridge

GR: WANDS AWAY??! How are they meant to pass exams without actually performing the charm they’re meant to do?? 

Umbitch: a theoretical knowledge will be sufficient to get them through their examinations…

GR: you fUCKING DONKEY!

elodieunderglass:

the-one-true-nugget:

bryguy142:

just-shower-thoughts:

100 years ago everyone owned a horse and only the rich had cars. Today everyone has cars and only the rich own horses.

The stables have turned

I laughed too hard at this and I hate you for it

I’ve been resisting reblogging this because a) fuck you and b) NO SERIOUSLY FUCK OFF, but fine. FINE. THat’s a fucking GOOD PUN and I’m so ANGRY

bludragongal:

bludragongal:

flip-this-table:

upperstories:

bludragongal:

I had a nightmare last night.

I was a reporter.

This is absolutely amazing. I hope you hold onto this idea.

OMG, YOU TURN THIS INTO A 500 PAGE NOVEL RIGHT NOW. I WOULD READ THE HELL OUT OF THIS.

If this gets 20,000 notes I’ll make a Part 2.

Welp.

vinnie-cha:

Bull’s enthusiasm for fighting dragons is entertaining at best and an extreme concern at worst  

atherys:

this is actually incredibly sweet

People really don’t understand the difference between a character being attractive and being intended for consumption by the other gender.

iprayforangels:

There’s a big difference between a character looking hot and a character being intended for sexualization. There are lots of attractive characters out there that aren’t intended to be consumed by other genders, objectified, and sexualized. For example:

Batman. Undeniably attractive. He is good looking.

But he was not intended for consumption by women. He get’s power poses and muscles because that’s how men want their male heroes, the one’s they aspire to be like and project onto, to look.

By contrast look at Black Widow. She is intended for male consumption.

She doesn’t have long legs, a tiny waist, a pronounced butt, and big boobs because that is what women want their heroes to look like. She looks like that because that’s what men want their women heroes, the one’s they picture themselves romancing, to look like. She’s not just attractive, she is also sexualized and intended for a male audience.

Now look at a male character meant for women. Tuxedo Mask from Sailor Moon.

He’s not buff and bulky, he’s long, lean, and well dressed. This is what women want their hero men, the one’s they want to fall in love with, to look like. This isn’t a male fantasy, this is a female one. 

Now look at a women intended for women. The main characters from Totally Spies.

They have small waists and long legs yes but their boobs and butts aren’t particularly noticeable. They get power poses instead of one’s intended to sexualize. They look like this because this is what women want to project themselves on. This is a women’s power fantasy. This is closer in comparison to Batman, good looking but powerful, than it is to Black Widow, sexualized. 

Now are all of these characters attractive? Yes. But do you see the difference between sexy and sexualized? Sexy depends on the ‘type’ of the viewer and what they like in men and women. Sexualized has less to do with what you personally think is hot and more to do with what society as a whole thinks is hot. So when I say that Wonder Woman in the movie was not meant for male consumption I am not saying she isn’t beautiful, sexy, or attractive (I left that movie gayer than I was before). What I am saying is that she was posed, treated, costumed, and written more like an attractive human than like an object for men to gawk at.

caffeinewitchcraft:

ohhbobs:

stop checking on them
they don’t miss you

These are the words written on a post-it (a human invention) in Persephone’s bedroom. They’re written in what she fondly calls New English, aka the English that her mother still doesn’t know, even after all these years.

Every morning, when she wakes, she sees this post-it stuck onto the stone wall and makes herself read it out loud.

“Stop checking on him,” she says, arms wrapped tight around her knees. “He doesn’t miss you.” The words bring the familiar sting of pain, the familiar tightness in her chest, the accompanying breathlessness. There’s still a part of her that rebels at the thought, that clings to what he said before and not after.

She thinks she might have been happier loving a mortal, which is so in fashion these days that her mother is gallivanting about Earth like she hadn’t spent centuries chastising Persephone for the same. If she loved a mortal, she could bind them in ways that it’s impossible to bind a god.

She gets up and gets ready for her day. Being an immortal means that she can’t just spend all day in bed. That path leads to centuries of apathy and she’s still young. So very, very young.

“Go back to Olympus. I should have known better than to let a child into my kingdom.”

There was no “letting” about it. She’d been younger still and in chains and in captivity and in love. She’d beguiled and coerced so that he’d take her with him, made him free her. 

She’d thought she was shedding her chains, choosing new ones that better suited her, but she didn’t see the way her discarded shackles slipped onto him. She didn’t see what a burden she was, what a burden she would become to him, how limiting, how heavy, how stupid.

It’s been five years now and she’s still counting seasons like she has a chance of being let back in. Summer and winter, summer and winter, summer and winter, ad nauseum. Her mother had said that she’d stick to the cycle, that the Earth actually benefited from winter, but Persephone sees the way the summers are growing longer and hotter, the way the winters are short but so sharp she could cut her teeth on them.

Spring? She stopped that a long time ago. The melting of winter is good enough for mortals and gods alike. They don’t notice and, therefore, they don’t ask.

Keep reading

shippingphobia:

This is important knowledge, use it wisely…

awkwardbruh:

Hawkmoth during Gigantitan

tuluxi:

⛄️